The Stages of Retirement

As many of y’all know, I work for the government.  In my 6+ years I have experienced many things - many of which I’ve tried to block out.  However, one of my favorite things about working for the government is my coworkers.  They are characters, to say the least.  We travel together, eat together, work in the same Board room together…therefore, I know my coworkers pretty well.  I know their favorite foods, hobbies, family life…most of the time I know more than I care to know.  This is the byproduct of working so close with each other.  We don’t have cubicles or walls separating us, so we make the most of it. We play jokes, brag about our children, and talk politics, sports, and whatever is on our mind at the time.

 

Also, one of my favorite things about where I work is the generational gap.  I don’t think the agency did this on purpose.  I’ve heard stories about some hiring freeze in the 80s and 90s.  Anyway, I work with a bunch of ‘more seasoned’ and a bunch of ‘less experienced’ examiners…which means, we have a HUGE generational gap.  The older people teach us about how the agency was ‘back in the day’, and we teach them about Lady Gaga, fashion, and how to use their phone.  Seems like an even trade….that is until one retires. 

 

I have been through many retirements and have slowly learned the stages of retirement.  Here are stages that I have witnessed (through the eyes of a 20-something year old).

 

1.      Denial- They say “I’m too young to retire”.  I’m sorry, you’re not. News flash, you’re 62 years old.  Go home and enjoy taking it easy, watching the news, the Weather Channel, and the grass grow.

 

2.      Acceptance- This is when they set a date.  Then, they usually ask us to download a countdown app on their smart phone they don’t know how to use.

 

3.      Data Dumping- Of course they know more than us ‘less experienced’ examiners, so they feel like its necessary to purge all information, regardless of its usefulness.  Examples of data dumping are: giving away handbooks from the 1940s, telling stories about other coworkers that have been forgotten, sending emails with outdated regulation information, giving us secret spreadsheets, and constantly asking questions as if they are quizzing you to see if you remember the data they have dumped on you.

 

4.      Reminiscing about the past- This one is my favorite because this is when they tell us more stories about the glory days.  9 out of 10 stories are entertaining and take up work time, which is a win-win situation.

 

5.      General complaining- This is when they are about 3-4 months away from their retirement date and they start getting ants in their pants and they can’t wait any longer to leave.  Therefore, they constantly remind you how many days they have left with the agency and how much better the world was when they were a kid. 

 

6.      The end- This is about a week before they leave.  They usually start getting sad and feel bad for all the complaining they did earlier.  Nobody wants to be remembered as a complainer…so they usually apologize and try to make it up by saying nice things-but we all know they are lying through their teeth.

 

So for all those people who are about to retire, know that we appreciate and respect the stages you must go through before you can retire…and maybe you could leave out #5.